Season 1 - Episode 15: “Returning as Myself” ft San Cha
Meklit: Can you tell us about your name, San Cha?
San Cha: Yes.
Meklit: And what it means and why you chose it?
San Cha: So Sancha as one word means mistress.
Narration: But her artist name is two words: San Cha.
San Cha: I separated it because I wanted it to be like a saint, like San Francisco.
Meklit: Mm.
San Cha: And I wrote the name down and it was just something that, like, struck me because if you call someone a Sancha, it's basically like calling her a puta or something like,
Meklit: oh, okay,
San Cha: it's really derogatory. And I was like, I wouldn't call myself that. And then also thinking about how. Like the role that Saints play in, especially in Mexico, like sometimes people go to them for very specific things. Like, this is the saint that helps us cross the border.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: That's the one by my mom's town, you know, like you go to them for something.
Meklit: Right.
San Cha: With the name San Cha was like, people would come to me for something
Meklit: And what would they come to you for?
San Cha: For the drama.
Narration:
INTRO: Yes. The. Drama. Let me tell you what I mean by that. On stage, San Cha is a revelation in rhinestones, fur, and feathers, with plenty of dewy blue eyeshadow to boot. Her roots as a San Francisco drag queen show up in this bountiful costuming. And then underneath it all, San Cha’s love of Ranchera, and its full complexity, shines through.
My name is Meklit and this is Movement: music and migration, remixed.
San Cha: My parents are both like from rural Mexico, like they don't have an education further than like sixth grade. But then they did all their sacraments, like they're baptized, they're confirmed. They did their first communion, they got married. So the catechism is there, you know, like, so they're taught by the church.
And Rancheras really affirmed those beliefs like of monogamy, of like the way your family's supposed to be, the way you're supposed to love with your entire heart, or else you die. You know, like that person is for you and they belong to you forever. And if you don't have them, your life is miserable. You know?
And having like lived a different life in San Francisco and being queer and not identifying with that made it scary to go back into those, those tropes, you know?
Meklit: So I was wondering if you could tell us about your auntie's farm and your
San Cha: mm-hmm.
Meklit: Rediscovery of Ranchera
San Cha: So the farm is the farm that my mom grew up on.
Meklit: Ahh,
San Cha: with her 12 siblings. So it's my grandparents' farm and, this aunt that's there, my Tia Luz is the only one that didn't get married in the family. And so she worked the farm the longest.
Out of 12 kids, there were seven girls. The men, as soon as they were 16, wanted to come to the US to make money. So that left the women at home, to do the men's jobs.
The farm had like 25 cows, so that was a, a twice a day kind of thing. So it was at 5:00 AM they had to milk them and at 3:00 PM and so my mom said that like half of them would do the house chores and then the other half would do all the men's chores and then they would switch, you know?
Meklit: Mm-hmm. So everyone could do everything.
San Cha: Yeah, everyone could do everything. So I started going to Mexico when I was two.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: I think my mom was undocumented for the first, like until I was like six or something.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: So we'd go every two years and she'd come back on her own.
Meklit: Wow.
San Cha: During those times and leave us with an ant or something.So yeah so the farm, I remember the bath being like a room with a big rock on it that you'd sit on and you'd have to heat up water and stuff like that.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: And there's. Like the oldest room in the house is made out of Adobe.
Meklit: Mm.
San Cha: And so it's always like, oh, where's this thing? They're like el cuarto de adobe. You know? The Adobe room. And it used to have like one of those old ovens that you had to fire with like wood.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: And my aunt was like, I don't want that anymore. Like, it's too much of a mess. And sometimes like I'll go to, like, one of these fancy pizza spots with the oven and I, like it's that same smell
Meklit: Sometimes I think like how far back do any of us have to go before you reach the farmers, you know?
San Cha: Right.
Meklit: It's like, it's not that long for anybody.
San Cha: Not that long, you know?
Meklit: So you started going to the farm when you were two.
San Cha: Yeah.
Meklit: And you returned. A few years ago in a kind of transformational way.
San Cha: Yeah, it was gonna be my 27th birthday.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: And at that time, I think I was getting tired of working so much in the bay and not having anything to eat.
Meklit: Mm.
San Cha: You know, like it was just, it was a lot of work for nothing.
Meklit: Yeah.
San Cha: And I was like, I don't see how this would get better. I just wanna do music, you know?And I was like, it's about to be my Saturn return.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: And I need a change. And my mom at one point, like a couple months before that had joked that I should just go keep my aunt company on the farm cuz she was by herself. And I was like, oh, you just want me to be reformed And like, you know, I
Meklit: Reformed? What is reformed?
San Cha: Yeah. Like, cuz I was basically a drunk drag queen. So she was like, when are you gonna get better and not be so crazy? And
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: So she thought she could send me to basically a reform school with my aunt. And then I was like, actually that's not a bad idea. That would be like a writing retreat or something.
Meklit: Right.
San Cha: And when I was into the idea, she was not into it anymore.
Meklit: What? What she, she flipped. She changed.
San Cha: She flipped.
Meklit: Why?
San Cha: All of a sudden Mexico was dangerous and
Meklit: Oh my, well that, that's interesting,
San Cha: But I, at that point I was like, oh, that's not a bad idea. I should go to my aunt. And my friend actually bought me my plane ticket. So I like went to Mexico City for a couple days, partied cuz it was my 27th birthday. And then I took a bus from there to my aunt's farm. It's like a nine hour bus ride.
Meklit: Woo.
San Cha: Yeah. And then the first kind of month was really hard cuz my aunt, like they're still really religious.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: And at that time it was like September and they take the town's virgen and they take like, this doll in like a glass case and they take her to all the different farms.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: So my aunt was following her around to the different farms and praying like three rosaries a night. Having Mass on each farm.
Meklit: Wow.
San Cha: And at that time, when I got there, I had like lavender hair, I had no eyebrows, and I still had all my clothes that I wore as a little club kid in San Francisco.
Meklit: So you stood out a little bit.
San Cha: Big old platform shoes, and my aunt would say things like, you know, that, that kind of insinuated that I was in a bad place or you know, things like that. So I had such a rough time in the beginning with her. Cause she never left the town. So she has these ideas of like, how things are supposed to be and doesn't actually have experience with like, dating anybody even, you know?
Meklit: Wow.
San Cha: Like she's lived a very sheltered life. So she didn't know what I was like, didn't know, understand me, you know? But then we also have like a, have always had like a really good relationship. So, at a certain point, like, it just like shifted to where we could talk about things. Like we'd sit and have coffee at lunch and then like we'd come out understanding each other a lot more.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: You know,
Meklit: What changed? What do you think that shift was between the kind of distance between you and the coming together?
San Cha: I don't know. It just, it started happening just naturally like, and I think that she was appreciating the fact that I would help her around the house and we'd come together for telenovelas and, you know, mutual things that we liked together.
Meklit: Yes.
San Cha: And then we would talk about really honestly about things like
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: Maybe even more honestly than I would talk to my mom.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: You know, like people calling me a witch or saying that I was crazy. And I'd be like, you're here and you see me every single day. Like, what kind of brujerías do you think that I'm doing?
Meklit: Right. Right.
San Cha: And I found more acceptance with her than I have found with queer communities.
Meklit: Wow.
San Cha: At times, you know? And so like people are ignorant no matter what, you know? And my aunt really helped me see that even though she's sheltered and has lived a different life, I could find acceptance with her and understanding.
Meklit: That's beautiful.
San Cha: Yeah.
Meklit: And how did Rancheras figure into that? Was that part of the tele novellas and the things that you could share with each other?
San Cha: It wasn't. It was like I went there to write these songs that I had had before. I had logic on my computer, had this microphone and my aunt would hear these songs as I was working on them, and she'd be like, you came here with like torn clothes.You don't have any money. You're sad. Obviously whatever you are doing is not working out.
Meklit: Don't hold back, aunty. Don't hold back.
San Cha: Yeah, right. Don't hold back. And she was like, you should start singing Rancheras. Like, and I was like, no, I've never been able to sing Rancheras. Like, I didn't think that I had the capability, like the vocal capability, you know? And I was like, watch, I'll show you. I can't do this, but I'll show you.
Took her iPod with a little circle and was looking through songs, and then she would listen to the radio every day. And I heard Pedro Infante doing Historia de un Amor, and I was like, oh, this song is gorgeous.
So I just was like, picking songs, and then she also gave me requests like, do this song, it makes me think of your grandparents. And I was like, I'm gonna record it all for you. And I had a CD burner.
And I did that for her. And as soon as I did that, she started trading it around like, oh, the priest wants a cd. Oh, your uncles in the US want a cd. And then when people would come over, she'd be like, where's the guitar? Bring the guitar. And I was like, oh, I guess I could do this convincingly.
And while I was doing it, I was like, let me like, remake these little trumpet sounds with synthesizers and whatever I have with me. I think that was my moment of like, seeing the darkness, like where I come from, you know, like all the repression like. That's the birthplace of it, you know?
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: Of all the things I'm afraid of, all the things I'm taught I'm supposed to be, and the Rancheras kind of represent that too, but then I could do it in a way that's mine.
In reality, like even if we're queer, like you still feel that love that's so intense that like you're gonna die if you don't have it. Like, or when you're heartbroken, you think you're just gonna absolutely like, drop dead. So it's like it's all the same feelings and they all come from the same place. And we're more like, then we want to think, you know.
Meklit: So how did you end up coming back to the US?
San Cha: Well, my mom went to Mexico and she was like, she really convinced me.
Meklit: Mm.
San Cha: She was like, you need to come back and stop ignoring the things that you're running away from, and specifically taxes.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: Like the reality started seeping in that even on the farm and in the town, like, to send songs to people and share things would take days.
Meklit: Oh, uploads and like wifi speeds and stuff.
San Cha: Yeah.
Meklit: Yeah.
San Cha: And at at one point I had this fantasy that I would just stay on the farm and teach kids music and you know, like things that I, they're not me, you know?
Meklit: Right.
San Cha: But I had that little fantasy, and then the reality started seeping in that I wasn't gonna be happy doing that, you know? And that I really wanted my music to travel. And I was like, oh, I do need to come back. And I had friends living in LA
Meklit: mm-hmm.
San Cha: And they were, they were like, we'll make it really easy for you. And it was just, I never thought about moving to LA, but since they made it really easy for me, I was like, okay, I'll try this out. And it became home like, instantly.
Meklit: Really?
San Cha: Yeah
Meklit: Say more about that. Just what was it that made it home?
San Cha: It was just like everything, like I felt like in the bay. Nobody understood the intersectionality of all the things that I was doing. And in LA it's like, oh bitch, we've been doing this for years. Decades. Girl, welcome home. I love that. Oh, you mean punk and Cumbia? Like that shit's been done. So it was, yeah, it was really refreshing. So when my parents started hearing the Rancheras, they cried.
Meklit: Really?
San Cha: Yeah. But they also,
Meklit: Because they felt, because they felt what? What were they tears of?
San Cha: I think like, oh, maybe she does have something.
Meklit: Mm-hmm.
San Cha: And we've just been ignoring it, you know? And I even had this moment where I did a music festival in San Jose and my parents went to see me for the first time.
And at that time I had like nine band mates or something and they all went with me. I got an Airbnb for half of them and half of them stayed with my parents and my mom made food that night and she stayed up till 4:00 AM with us.
And we were all just singing Rancheras the whole time. Boleros, like songs that they knew, they'd request songs and we'd just like play the chords for them and they would sing and like it became this like, big melting pot of like, cultures and worlds.
Cause it's all like my band mates were all queer and super gay and like trans and you know, my parents being from this very traditional background, like experiencing joy with all of us, you know? And you know, sometimes like with the rancheras, I'll add the screaming, I'll add like the high drama and things like that.
But you know, when I'm at my parents' house, I’m at my parents' house and it's for them. You know, it doesn't become a performance for me. It's like, this is for you guys. This is my gift to you guys. Like I might not be everything that you wanted me to be, but I understand you, you know? And I understand your needs.
And I also understand that I'm something that you never would've imagined, you know? And I feel like that was probably the moment where my parents were like, oh, she's not gonna stop. This is, this is her thing that she's gonna keep pursuing forever.
There's a song I released that I actually wrote on the farm. And I, so it was a demo for a long time and I had named it Hijo Prodigo, the Prodigal son. Then when I started sending it out to people, they started calling it Oveja Negra, which is black sheep.
The song is about, like being on the farm and knowing that, I always cry. That, like I'm not what my mother would've wanted. And acknowledging that, like my mom prays every day that I'd be good. And be okay. Even when I've been in places that are really dark and feeling like the, you know, when I went to the farm, I was the prodigal son, like I came back to them and how much they celebrate me now. So the song is about returning to them, but returning as myself.
Narration: You can find all of San Cha’s music and projects at churchofsancha.com
Movement is produced by Ian Coss and myself, Meklit Hadero. Our co-creator and podcast godmother is Julie Caine. We are supported by the Mellon Foundation, the National Geographic Society and distributed by PRX.