Episode 6: Welcome Home, Pop, Featuring Momma Nikki.

Hey, so you may or may not know this, but in addition to being a podcast, Movement Live is also a live show. About a year ago, we put it on stage for the very first time. It was in Seattle at the Meany Center for the Performing Arts and we invited local immigrant musicians to share their songs and stories.

The goal was to make a giant auditorium feel like a living room – and Momma Nikki, vocalist and songwriter whose father immigrated from Haiti did just that. 

Nikki starts acapella, slowly, deliberately walking to the stage. Then once the spell has been cast, they welcome us into their family and into their home.

My name is Meklit and this is Movement, music and migration, remixed. 

MUSIC: Out

Momma Nikki: I open with this song to ground myself and the people around me. 

First time I sang this song, I had just bought my cute little craftsman home in Tacoma. It was my safe space, my sacred space. And I didn’t let any and everybody over to that space including some of my family, like my dad. By the time that he saw it, he was already dying.

But before we get too deep, let me backup a bit, and let me tell you about my pops.

Kay? Wooh! Hold on there. Ok so my pops is from Haiti, right? And he came to Brooklyn when he was 15 years old. And with a very thick accent, his full name was Jean Bonnie Etienne. Now not everybody could pronounce it or chose not to try. So he added a O at the end and started going by Jeano. That’s not the same.

But my dad was cool. He was smooth. He was handsome as fuck. But nah, I enjoyed going through his things. You know, I always found myself in my parents closet. And I be going through things and I always was drawn to his stuff. And I be like, I don’t know if my mom just didn’t have anything out that I liked or I was already searching for my identity. 

Momma Nikki: But I found myself in his stuff and I was like alright cool, ya know. Not just this wallet, ya know what I mean, like that’s fun. Ya know, but he had a jar of coins for that. But I went and I put on his shoes cause I had big feet, I still do. Ya know what I mean? And then I’m just like they’ll fit right? Cool. There’s still like this much space in them. It’s fine. I had an I, I had a thought process.

And I, but, I’ve always loved learning from my Pops. And so I played the piano late at night on a upright piano and my dad came to sit next to me. And I’m like, you know, teach me some Creole, right? Cause I’d only get bits and pieces of it on the phone or when we went to Haitian family friends' homes or we went back to New York. 

Now, you go to New York and you’re Haitian, you gonna go to multiple homes and ya gonna eat at all of them. Cool, right? No. We had already gone to like a couple of homes. I go into this house, I’m like alright cool, they already cooked. Food’s on the plate, I’m like cool. Rice and beans, yes. But then there was this fish. I mean like the fins were still there, the scales, the head, the eyeball that was looking directly at you like, you really gonna do this?

Now I’m, understand, I’m 13yrs old, we already ate, I’m full, I only eat chicken, and you want me to eat that? Look, I understand it’s an insult to not eat what’s given to you, however, if my father had just taught me some creole, we wouldn’t be in this problem. Cause I just would’ve said, m pa manje pwason. I don’t eat fish. Padone m. But it’s alright though. 

Ya know my dad and I, ya know, we were really close when we were growing up, and then things changed. Shit hit the fan. And I moved away to college, and my dad had an affair. And I had a really hard time forgiving him for what he did to my mom and what he did to our family. Cause I knew things would never be the same. 

Cause it wasn’t just about the affair, my dad had a gambling problem too. So every time he hit me up it was about money. It was about his alimony check. And I was just like, I’m good. But there came a point to where I just felt like I needed to forgive him for myself. Like that distance between us, I didn’t want there anymore. Cause at the end of the day, that’s my dad. You know what I mean? Like I love him. 

And I’m glad that I did, cause it was in that same year, that he got sick. And I mean like he almost died. Beacon Hill VA Hospital right there, like he almost died and dialysis saved his life. He said he would do it for a year. And he had multiple complications, having to have multiple ports, and he did it for over 2 and a half years.

It was during that same time that I was in the studio. I remember cause, I remember that it was March 3rd, because a day or two later is when I got the call from my pops.

 Momma Nikki: And he was like, I’m done. I’m tired. I’m not gonna go back. And I knew he had tried. So I was like, ok.

 Now normally when you stop dialysis it only takes about 3-5 days for you to pass, but my dad is really stubborn. And he lasted over 30.

So during that time frame I got a chance to share my album with my dad. Cause I called my producer and I was like, look I need you to get as many roughs to me as possible right now. Cause I just, I didn’t know how much time I had left with him. I remember going to our favorite  family restaurant and playing him Welcome Home because on the way back, he was like, ya know, will you send me the tracks? I’m like, yeah of course, you know.

And so the next thing I know, I’m going over to the house. I walk in and this, these women come up to me like, oh my God I love your voice. You sound so good. I love that song that goes. I’m like, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. Who are you? And how do you know who I am, or my music? I go to my dad, I’m like, what are you doing? I was like these are for you. EP’s not even out yet, like what are you doing? But that was his way of showing me that he loved me. That he was proud of me.

He died two days after his birthday. And that was 4 years ago last month. And it still sucks. I wish I could show him my new home. Cause selling the one that I had that he visited was really hard cause of him. But he’s home. And I know that wherever my home is, I know that he is there too. And, Shayla, he’s there for you too.

Imma get through this, not like last month, Imma get through this. His favorite song was Welcome Home. And Imma try really hard to sing all the way through it and not cry the whole time. If I can do that for you tonight like I did at his bedside.

That was Momma Nikki performing Welcome Home.

Movement’s Live show was co-commissioned by The Meany Center for the Performing Arts at the University of Washington, as well as by Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, Cap UCLA, the Arts Center at NYU Abu Dhabi, Stanford Live, and the Cultural Arts Center at Montgomery College. 

Movement is produced by Ian Coss and myself, Meklit Hadero. Our co-creator and podcast godmother is Julie Caine. Our broadcast partner is The World. We are supported by National Geographic Society and distributed by PRX.