Season 2, Episode 4: “I Was Reluctant to Go” ft Sid Sriram
NARRATION: In 2019, my band and I played a show at the Selam Festival in the city of Bahir Dar, Ethiopia, on the shores of Lake Tana, the source of the Nile river. The plane ride from Addis was full of musicians. Those flight attendants had probably never seen so many congas and guitars in one place!
Once we landed, we got on a bus to the festival grounds. And as we pulled up, we passed a giant billboard with my face on it. I’m talking, maybe 30 feet tall, which of course left me completely speechless. I mean, what do you even say? I had known for years that people in Ethiopia were finding my music, that it got played on the radio and TV. And I had done successful shows in Addis Ababa, but that was the capital. And I did wonder so, who would come to a show in Bahr Dar, a city that’s a fraction the size of Addis. An hour before we’re supposed to go on, it looked like I had my answer: there was literally no one there. I’m talking, no one.
I’ve always wanted to be a singer since I was four years old, giving concerts to fellow riders on many a city bus. But when I had dreamed those dreams, I had always seen myself in the place I currently lived, the United States. Making records here, playing shows here, reaching people here. It was a surprise when I’d get Facebook messages from Ethiopians in Ethiopia, telling me they loved my songs. Or when my family in Addis would say, oh you were on the radio today on a show that goes out to 15 million people. Which would leave me screaming into my pillow with joy and shock.
But as I stood at the Selam Festival in 2019 staring at the empty expanse of the festival grounds, it felt like all that was just a mirage. I started to give up, even get a little sad. Then, one of the security guards comes up to me and tells me, oh don’t worry,there is a local soccer game happening. It will be over soon, and afterwards, everyone will come. Lo and behold, thirty minutes later, 3000 young people had packed in. We hit the stage soon after, right at the golden sunset hour.
I started to sing, both my original songs and my interpretations of Ethiopian traditional songs. And the audience sang with me. All of it! But the moment I got really emotional, was when I pulled out my krar, my Ethiopian traditional harp, and I held it in my hands, and I felt that the wood could have grown from a tree right here where we were standing. And the cow skin resonator could have been made from an animal that had grazed the grasses beneath our feet. And I was overwhelmed with connection to what it meant to bring my version of Ethio Jazz music home to the place this music was created.
That trip forced me to ask myself some questions. So whose validation was I seeking? Whose ears did I long for? One step further, do I fall for what the LA music industry folks say? That you are only a successful artist if you are on the charts in the United States or Europe? Or is there another way to think about success?
When I first heard about the career of Indian-American vocalist and songwriter Sid Sriram, I realized all this was at play in his career, multiplied by a power of ten. Sid grew up in the US and his dream was to make a huge name for himself in the US. But for many years he found himself hitting a wall. Then he got an unparalleled opportunity and savvy encouragement to set his sights on one of the biggest music markets in the world. Turned out that was just what he needed to make his dreams come true.
My name is Meklit and this is Movement, music and migration, remixed.
Meklit Hadero: Sid, you said you grew up in Fremont. Is this your childhood bedroom?
Sid Sriram: Yeah, it is very much so.
Meklit Hadero: Did you take down the posters?
Sid Sriram: There's a couple that are still there. Like there's like one that like, there's a clock. I don't know if you can see it. It's like a crayon clock. It's definitely still the exact same one.
NARRATION: Sid Sriram is one of the breakout music stars of the past year. His 2023 album Sidharth is a 13 song masterpiece. The kind of record where the vocals are so emotional, so vivid, so tender, that they stop you cold. His multi-octave voice, and raw lyrics take up a whole room, even if you’re just playing the songs from the tiny speakers on your phone.
When I talked to Sid, he was just back from the desert he played both weekends at this year’s Coachella, to rave reviews. But it took a journey of many twists and turns for Sid to reach that stage. And it all started in his childhood bedroom.
Meklit Hadero: What are your musical memories in that room?
Sid Sriram: A whole lot. I actually, so, I was born in India, in Chennai in 1990, and then we moved here in this, in 91. And like a year after we moved to the States, my mom started her Carnatic music school, South Indian classical like vocal music school.
NARRATION: Carnatic music is a true discipline. There are dozens of different ragas, each with their own melodic phrases to master, then dozens of different talas, each with their own rhythmic phrases to master. And of course as a singer there is vocal technique, which Sid’s mother drilled into him from a very young age like three years old young.
Sid Sriram: So this room is probably a lot of me just like not wanting to practice or, you know what I mean?
NARRATION: And even though Sid grew up in California, his family would usually spend the summer in India, two months every year surrounded by Indian music and culture. His mom would play Indian film songs in the car, exposing him to the greats like AR Rahman. But as a kid, and then a teenager, Sid inevitably began to nurture his own dreams.
Sid Sriram: As I got older, this was also the room where I just liked so much, musical discovery and, like the keyboards over here, like just tinkering around. And just kind of like earliest memories is just like the boundlessness of starting to write songs and just like discovering that that was even a possibility. That's all definitely in this room for sure.
NARRATION: His dreams involved writing his own songs, making a name for himself in the world of American pop. Following in the footsteps of his American heroes.
Sid Sriram: Stevie Wonder, Donny Hathaway, Aretha, like I was like eight years old, seven years old, just like flipping through jazz 91.1, on one of those like summers where we didn't go to India and, I owe so much to just like soul music. It's really actually, it's the thing, not just the form of music, but just the thing that gave me my sense of, Oh, I think I do can belong here in the US as well. You know, I don't have
Meklit Hadero: Oh, wow.
Sid Sriram: feel like so much like an outsider.
NARRATION: In a way, you’d think Sid’s dreams of pop stardom would conflict with his disciplined love of Carnatic music. But at some point, he started to find the connections.
Sid Sriram: I think the song that really did it, and I forget how I discovered it. It might've been on like LimeWire or like one of those things back then but like, it was the Luther Vandross rendition of Superstar.
Meklit Hadero: Really?
Sid Sriram: Yeah, when I first heard that, it just did something to me where I was like laying in bed at night, just playing it on repeat. And I think that what, what it was, like on a technical level, in Carnatic music, we have this thing called the Gamaka, which is like the vocal embellishment. And in soul music, like the R&B riff or like the, you know, that's the first time I heard something outside of my cultural music like, Oh, that kind of feels like this, you know, that I'm from.
NARRATION: A bridge was formed in Sid's mind. His mom told him to sing from the gut; BB King sang from the gut. Just like he studied the compositions of the Carnatic music greats, he studied the compositions of Duke Ellington. But it wasn't immediately clear how he could truly bring those worlds together in his voice, or in his career.
In college he started recording soul and R&B songs. One in particular had a viral moment, a cover of Frank Ocean's We All Try.
Sid Sriram: That's when I also started the, you know, the journey of bringing my worlds together in a way, and just experimenting as to how they could intermingle. And at that time it would be. Write a song that felt like it was grounded in like R&B soul and then open up a section near the end where I just like it'd be the Indian part, you know. And at the time that was what I was able to do and just kind of comprehended and put forth.
NARRATION: At that time, Sid was actively chasing fame in the US music industry. He makes it sound almost desperate the way he describes it now, meeting with record labels, posting videos, working whatever angle he had.
But that's not where his big break would come from.
Sid Sriram: In 2010, I sent a cold email to AR Rahman
NARRATION: AR Rahman again is a legend of Indian film music.
Sid Sriram: He was my hero growing up. So I sent him an email when I was in college with some of my music that I was releasing at the time, just with no expectations. And he responded a couple of weeks later and that led to me recording with him in 2012, right before I graduated.
NARRATION: It was a surreal experience, being in the studio with one of his childhood heroes. But Sid still had to prove himself. In that first session, Rahman asked him to sing an original R&B song, then asked him to sing some Carnatic music testing the range of his abilities. Clearly Rahman liked what he heard, because a few months later he asked Sid to record his first big film song Adiye.
Sid Sriram: So right after I graduated, that song released and it kind of, you know, Jumpstarted my career over there. And, once that happened, my dad started managing me and I started spending around six to eight months out the year, starting that July of 2016 in Chennai. So it kind of became home. And I admittedly, was reluctant to go start doing this kind of six to eight month thing over there cause I was still hell bent on my career taking off in the US.
Meklit Hadero: Wait. Do you mean that you were reluctant to like move there permanently, or you were reluctant to even be there for the six to eight months time?
Sid Sriram: I was reluctant even for the, cause up until that point I limited and constrained my relationship with the country and my city over there. I was like, okay, do two months, come back to regular life. That's just like an excursion for a little bit.
NARRATION: Sid was still focused on being an American pop star. That felt like the industry and audience that mattered in the end, so why spend half the year in a different country, working in a different industry reaching a different audience?
It was actually Sid’s father who convinced him to give India a chance. To go and see what was going on over there, that maybe this was the opportunity he was looking for. So Sid settled in. For the first time in his life, India, Chennai became his home base.
Sid Sriram: And in retrospect, thinking about it, there was just a decent amount of just like, you know, self hate, packed into all of that, and just like, oh, I don't want to live there, like, this is my life over here. But once I went there, is when I really embraced who I was, and stopped, relegating my Indianness to this very specific sliver of like time and it changed everything.
NARRATION: That first year in Chennai, Sid found a new daily routine. It started with waking up at six every morning to go for a run on the beach near his house.
Sid Sriram: That directly followed up by like vocal exercises and coffee.
NARRATION: He recommitted himself to his Carnatic music practice, finding focus in that daily discipline.
Sid Sriram: And I'd never done that before. I would kind of just like let the day happen.
NARRATION: And Sid was definitely not just letting the day happen. He was what's called a playback singer in the most productive film industry in the world.
Meklit Hadero: So how many songs have you recorded for Indian films?
Sid Sriram: Like hundreds, there's a lot.
Meklit Hadero: So does somebody present you with the song?
Sid Sriram: Yeah.
Meklit Hadero: Do you have to like, learn about the characters?
Sid Sriram: Well it goes a couple ways one way is like if AR calls me
NARRATION: That's AR Rahman, the man who gave Sid his first break.
Sid Sriram: If I'm in India, I'm at the studio like within an hour and we just get right to it, cause, you know, he is my mentor and still my hero to this day. So that's automatic. For most other folks, they send the songs over. I listen, as long as I feel like I can kind of give myself to the song and do what I got to do with it. Then I,
Meklit Hadero: Mm hmm.
Sid Sriram: I go ahead and then, yeah, they give me context. They first give me like a breakdown of the scene, a little bit of context. Context as to what the film is about, who the characters are. And that's really been the craft over there is the turnaround time of not just like being able to record it properly, but tap into what the emotional resonances of the song is.
And it's so fun because it puts me in situations both genre wise or conceptually that I would never put myself in, you know, so that has also really broadened my musical scape.
Meklit Hadero: Six to eight months in India, what were those six months like in the States at that time? Because you were, Like a straight up star in India, right?
Sid Sriram: Yeah.
Meklit Hadero: Like walk down the street and people would recognize you, da, da, da, da, like all that stuff. And then you would come back to the States and, and then what, what was it like?
Sid Sriram: It was humbling. I'm very grateful that I had that because, you know, for me, like, since I was a kid, the process of learning music, of practicing, of performing, and just really embodying. It kind of like was two parallel paths. One was the spiritual path that music was definitely my mechanism to tap into my spirituality and my relationship with it.
But in tandem alongside that was this deep desire to be famous and to be a celebrity and, you know, reap all those things as well. So, I'm glad that. My time in India was, you know, was not, I wasn't there like full, full time because I know that I would have gotten lost in the sauce, you know, for sure.
And then the second thing, which I think is maybe more important is, Carnatic music is just such a deep complex form that's full of dimension. Finding that creative liberation is one of the most, just like profound feelings.
And that also very much kept me grounded, cause as much as like people recognize you and you have songs that are getting a ton of views and all this stuff, there was still this form of music that was telling me every day, like, yo, calm down. You are, you're not at the top of the mountain yet at all. You know, and it was also the reminder that there is no top of the mountain. This is a lifelong, infinite process. And Carnatic music allowed me that understanding.
NARRATION: Sid never let go of his childhood dream of finding an audience in the US, the place where he grew up. And even as he was becoming famous for singing film songs, he continued to write and release his own songs. Then came a jolt, the pandemic. His daily routine was broken, his constant churn of studio sessions was halted.
So he moved back to California, to the same childhood bedroom in Fremont where he was when we spoke.
Sid describes this period as a full proper Ego Death. He did a lot of staring at the ceiling. He was right back where he started, but with a wisdom, experience and also self-acceptance that he did not have when he first made the move to Chennai. He had learned to hold all the pieces of himself at once, and now he was ready to do that in his music.
That's when Sid started writing the songs that would become his latest album, Sidharth.
Meklit Hadero: I wonder like there's these places in the album where you're suddenly you're, where you're in like a soul run and then like a, like a split second later, like not even a second later, you're in a Carnatic run.
Sid Sriram: Yeah.
Meklit Hadero: I just want to know, what does that feel like? Like in your body, in your, like in your throat, in your mouth, what does that feel like?
Sid Sriram: I really just kind of like feel like water, you know? And that I think like it does it’s such a fluidity in it that is very freeing.
I made almost all the album in Minneapolis. And I remember like the first three days that I was there. One of the jam sessions we were having it was for Dear Sahana. And that was the first time where I sang a phrase that did that shift, like mid riff. And I knew I was like, oh, there's the thing like that's what it was. And it happened without like thinking or anything it just kind of flowed out of me and that's when I knew that it hit a space from my subconscious, it was coming from the subconscious rather than like Oh, I want to do this and do this and put them together.
You know, it wasn't thought about and it really just expanded my musical and melodic vocabulary. You know, it almost felt like a rebirth of sorts in terms of just, it was the first time that I was really able to understand, and celebrate like Soul music and Carnatic music in one breath.
NARRATION: The album came out in August of 2023. This year he became the first South Indian artist to ever perform at Coachella.
Sid Sriram: I normally end my sets with a specific kind of Carnatic composition. It's called Tiruppugal and it's in my native tongue of Tamil. And my mom taught me this one specific one when I was much younger. It's one of my favorite pieces to perform, and it's just my voice. I sing it solo, no, no music, no nothing, but the whole audience just went silent. And it was just like, I felt like everyone was really deeply in that space together, you know? And that felt really special.
Meklit Hadero: I feel like there's this part of your story that is also a part of the world’s story right now, which is something that I like rejoice in every day, which is the way that it's the decentralization of the West. Even the words West and East, like, right, like, let's,
Sid Sriram: Sure.
Meklit Hadero: but, it's the decentralization of American and European music and the kind of, this intense rise of just the general badassery of music from,
Sid Sriram: I love everything you're saying.
Meklit Hadero: India and, you know, just like loving how, you know, the Bad Bunny record blew, you know, blew us all away.
Sid Sriram: Sure.
Meklit Hadero: And how Afro beats are coming out of Nigeria and South African music and it's just like. But it's really about the dissolution of colonial narratives,
Sid Sriram: Yep.
Meklit Hadero: You know?
Sid Sriram: Most definitely.
Meklit Hadero: That feels like that's also a big part of what your, what, like this, that your story contains.
Sid Sriram: Sure. I think, I think my trajectory is very much a byproduct of that. Like again, going back to 10 years ago when I had this expectation to have this big career in the West, and it didn't happen. I think that was just mirroring the fact that, that decentralization of the West had not yet occurred.
You know, it was still very America, Europe, West centric. And now we're at this point where the world has kind of burst open. That decentralization is happening. I don't think it's fully happened, but it's in the process of happening. And I, I take an immense amount of pride in the position I'm at. You know, I think like not only for Indian folks or South Asian folks, but just folks that are not from here. And I'm understanding it daily, you know, and, and understanding the significance of it and also at the same time, not thinking about it too much.
I think what making this album taught me was to be the best instrument. A lot of times it's just to like blank the brain and let, you know, the music come through you and then it's going to mean what it has to mean. And I think as long as one is doing that in the most honest, passionate way, then I'll serve the purpose I'm here to serve.
NARRATION: After that 2019 trip to Ethiopia, I knew the answer to those tough questions I was asking myself about which audience I was seeking, and where I wanted my music to resonate. And it was this.
I didn’t have to choose. I loved it when folks told me that my songs were playing in Black Lives Matter organizing offices in Oakland, and I loved that folks in even the small towns in Ethiopia were rocking with me. Why couldn’t I make music for both audiences in both places? If Ethio Jazz is about the conversation between American, and especially Black American and Ethiopian culture, then a bridge is the only thing that makes any sense.
But one of the things I took from my conversation with Sid, is that external validation, no matter where it’s coming from, can’t be the whole game.
Remember when he talked about how Carnatic music, with its devotional, spiritual perspective was like an antidote to ego, that there was no top to the mountain? Well, after he said that, he said something I will never forget. He said that the opposite was true too. When no one is listening, when you have no audience, when the world is busy not validating you, Sid’s Carnatic training reminds him that singing, playing music is not about anything external at all.
Ultimately, Sid’s music is a path to the divine, a practice to commune with God. All the implications that the music raises, for decolonization, for de-centering the West, yes they are important, but they were also not the only force behind his sound.
When he said that, I thought, yes, that’s what I’m hearing when he sings. That’s why I can’t do anything else except listen when his music is on. I can’t write, I can’t have a conversation, I can’t even do dishes. That’s why it stops me cold. Because he’s letting us into a holy space, like a sonic altar, where he’s singing to God, and all we have to do is let the prayer wash over us.
Movement is produced by Ian Coss and myself, Meklit Hadero. Our co-creator and podcast godmother is Julie Caine. Our broadcast partner is The World. We are supported by the Mellon Foundation and distributed by PRX.
If you enjoyed this story, consider sending it to a friend, or leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts. Believe me, this stuff really does help people find the show. And if you happen to be curious about my albums, or performances, you can learn more at meklitmusic.com. Movement will be back with new episodes every Tuesday through the summer and fall.