Episode 19:  “Shiny Blue Keys” ft Tatiana Crespo

Live from Tempe, AZ

My first guitar was a 1950s Gibson steel string acoustic, dark brown on the edges with a sunburst of yellow right smack dab in the center. Best 300 bucks I ever spent. The wood in the front had split down the middle and been repaired, which somehow made the instrument feel alive. Like it had already been through so much. I mean when you love a person, you love their scars too, same with a guitar. In the beginning I would put in 3 hours a day. Come home from my 9-5 and rush to my room, play till 8 or 9. Bloody fingers were just a sign that I was on my way. One month in, I was writing guitar songs. Felt like freedom.

Tatiana Crespo’s first instrument was a shimmering gorgeous accordion named Lindo. We got to hear all about the journey of Tatiana and her Lindo in a Movement Live show at Arizona State University this past October. 

My name is Meklit and this is Movement, music and migration, remixed. 

Tatiana: I am not a child prodigy. I wish I could tell you the story about how when I was six years old, I would crawl behind my grandpa's accordion and peep over it and scream songs to everybody. But that is not my story. I didn't discover music, really, until I was about twelve years old when I moved to the US.

I did grow up with music in the house, though. My mom would always be singing when she was cooking and singing when she was really doing anything. But I was always just a listener. And it wasn't until after high school when my choir director recommended me to a gentleman looking for a singer that I got my first gig. 

At a funeral. 

And it turned out to be one of the most awkward performances of my life. Because, you see, they asked me to sing You Are My Sunshine with an organ. Above, on the railings where the organ is, with this ancient man with massive glasses. I'm very seriously playing it. And they introduced the song  before I sang it, by saying, you know, we chose this song to honor our beloved, but we didn't realize it was about unrequited love. 

Tatiana: But hey, we gave you all lyrics to sing along, so let's just all sing along and honor our loved one and forget about the unrequited love part. So, as I was singing, very professionally, You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. People are singing along and shaking their heads like, Oh my God, this song is really dark.

You make me happy when skies are gray. You never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away. 

But, even though it was one of the most awkward performances, it was my first paid performance. And the amount that I got paid happened to be the exact same amount that Linda was worth. Oh my God, he winked at me. I mean, just look at these shiny blue keys. The engraving and everything. This tattoo, I gave it to him for our eighth year anniversary. 

You see, lindo is my main squeeze. Hmm, okay. Anyway, I can't get carried away here. Where was I? I was, he gets me flustered every time. Anyway. I did grow up with music, like I said. And my parents were always really supportive. And they would have supported me doing anything, really, with my life. But it just happens to be, and I don't know why, that out of ten, twenty positive comments, just that one person  puts doubt in your heart. 

And this one person. When I was younger, I said, I want to be a musician when I grew up. She said, Tatiana, you need to choose a sensible career. You're going to starve if you choose music and granted in Costa Rica, it's pretty difficult to be a musician and make a living doing so. So that one comment just dug straight into my head.

And I was like, you know what? You're right. I'm going to choose a sensible career. I want to make a difference in the world. So, I tried social work. I was like, okay, well, this is a very noble, very noble job. Making a difference in the world. Making, maybe making more money than a musician. But it was my second intro to social work class that  I realized that if I didn't do music,  I would be miserable trying to change the world. 

So I thought, hmm, there's got to be a way to do both. Maybe I could advocate for social justice through my music. I've seen people do it before. Why not? So that brought me here to Arizona. I wanted to be singing to other people that might understand my lyrics in Spanish. I wanted to be, you know, I thought, okay, social work, social justice, a border state, this makes sense.

And then I came to visit and I fell in love with the cactus and the Sonoran desert’s unlike anywhere in the world. And I found success doing exactly that. And I was able to be a part of a group called Las Chollas Peligrosas, where together we advocate for migrant rights, pairing up with different organizations. 

Tatiana: And why not, you know. But when I first moved there, I was like, okay, there's two weeks before school starts. I'm just gonna shoot my shot here. I got this accordion, just gonna wear my little red beret and paint my face like a mime and wear a striped shirt and go down to this thing called First Fridays that I heard and, you know, maybe, maybe it could work out.

So I ended up playing the same four songs probably over and over again for three hours and, you know, improvised with people. And as they were ignoring me, you know, I'd be like, those gentlemen with a red heart is ignoring me.  He would turn around and feel obligated to listen, you know. 

And after these long three hours, my makeup was falling off, cause it was still a hundred and who knows degrees out. My back was all hurting. He's, he's really heavy. I'm not fat shaming him, but he's a very heavy instrument to carry for three hours. But out of that, I ended up getting an opportunity to do a photo shoot with the accordion. And I got my first gig. And from there is when I met Las Chollas.

And I, at some point was. In five, six different projects, but I still had a day job. I worked at a phone company as their in house voice talent. So you may have heard my voice somewhere saying,  thank you for calling ASU Gammage. For hours and location, press one. Para Español, oprima dos. Beep.

But I still really missed Michigan. If y'all haven't been to Michigan in the summer. It's a terrible place to go. Don't go. The lake is just so serene and beautiful. So I thought, okay, you know what? I have to go. I'm going to somehow book enough shows to make the trip worth it, for the trip to pay for itself, and so I could go swimming every day. 

So, I went out there and it was a great success. I didn't starve, I had a place to stay, I went swimming every day, I played at the festival that I first went to when I was 16, and then it was time to return. Fall had arrived. I was getting cold. I was like, okay, time to do the snowbird thing, I'm leaving. 

But I didn't really plan a tour on my way back. I didn't know anybody. I was driving by myself all the way across to the West Coast, down California, back to Arizona. I thought, okay, I'm just gonna try busking. For those of you who don't know, busking is playing out on the street. So, the first stop was in Grand Haven. Which is in Southern Michigan, this little beach town. 

And I almost didn't go busking. I was like, Oh, it's kind of a pain in the butt. I haven't done it in a long time. I could just get a nice camping spot, make myself a cup of tea, go to bed early. But I knew that I would regret it if I didn't go out. So I put on my hat, pulled out the accordion and found the perfect spot. 

Tatiana: It was at the corner of this restaurant. There was a line out the door, people waiting outside. So they couldn't leave. They were stuck there with me. There was these little steps. So I stepped on the little steps and I was playing.  One of my favorite things about busking,  especially during a summer day, is the kids. 

There's inevitably that one little kid, there was this little boy there with bloomin ice cream just pouring down his face with a cone in his hand. Just like not understanding what kind of machine I was playing and what sounds it was making. He was like, are you going to be out here after dinner? I'm like, I think so.

What about tomorrow? Are you going to be here all night until tomorrow? And I was like, yeah, kid, I'm going to be here all day. In fact, this is the rest of my life on this corner. His parents just like, you know, shushed him away. But there was this family that came by. His mom, dad, two kids. The mom and the son went inside, and the father and the daughter stayed out to listen to me. 

As they were listening, they were smiling, and afterwards I introduced myself, because they were right in front of me. And this little girl goes, You are so brave, aren't you scared? This looks really scary. Like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't do that. Like, how, how are you doing this? Aren't you terrified? And I said, you know what? 

I was really scared. I always get really scared before doing these things. Because you never know, you really have to, you know, prove your worth to complete strangers that are not as beautiful as an audience as all of you. She said, really? I said, yeah, I just, you know, I almost didn't come, but I decided to face my fears and do it anyway.
She goes, wow, well, you should be on a big stage. And I said, thank you. So I start playing the next song. Very iconic accordion song. 

And as I am playing La Vie en Rose, I overhear this conversation between the dad and the daughter. This little girl goes, Dad, I really want to get up and dance. He says, go for it. Nobody's stopping you. She says, Oh, but I'm really scared. I don't know if I can do it.  But you know what? She was really scared. And she is doing it anyway. So I'm gonna face my fears. And I'm gonna dance.  

And this ten year old girl  gets up from the bench. Puffs up her chest, starts twirling and twirling down the sidewalk. Dancing with me as I am playing. And I thought, this is why I do music. Because I saw myself in that little girl. And all I can hope for is that whenever doubt creeps into her heart, and if somebody ever dares tell her not to follow her dreams, that she does it anyway. 

Tatiana: We all make sacrifices for our passions, for our dreams, for our loved ones. A lot of us, like myself, only see my family once a year, to be here for opportunities like this. Some of us have two jobs, three jobs. Some of us completely change careers in order to support our families.  

And it's our duty in those moments to make the best out of every single minute we get with our loved ones. Because they're worth more than any amount of money that we can make. This next song, Sacrificio de Amor, is about that.

Narration: That was Tatiana Crespo performing her song Sacrufixio de Amor, live at Arizona State University. Her performance was made possible by the incredible team at ASU Gammage including Coleen Roggensock, Michael Reed, Leo Gonzales and many, many others

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Movement is produced by Ian Coss and myself, Meklit Hadero. Our co-creator and podcast godmother is Julie Caine. Our broadcast partner is The World. We are supported by The Mellon Foundation, and distributed by PRX.